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Instead of this cruel chick magnet I could have created a shy boy, or a prototypical neckbeard, or just a blank profile with nothing for the susceptible women of the Internet to project their expectations upon.

On Match, I entered Josh’s criteria into the search field.

All names, aliases, and identifying details have been changed.

The address that emailed me, [email protected], sounded more like a newsletter listing Manhattan parties and Brooklyn festivals than a man searching for love.

He didn’t give much feedback, which I considered confounding. Who could this Josh be, and why did he need my help? Maybe he did that thing where he asks subjective questions but acts like there is a right answer.